EVERYTIME I SEE THIS POST I’M AFRAID TO SCROLL TO THE END OF IT BECAUSE I ALWAYS THINK BETTY WHITE HAS DIED
worried that squirrels were eating all the birdseed, so we set up a camera
i do not think that is a squirrel
I got my red dress on tonight
Dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight
Done my hair up real big beauty queen style
a fancy asian restaurant called “Suit and Thai”
Good Thing of the Day:
A woman tells her dad he’s going to be a granddad.
0:24 i wanna cry
this is beautiful
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says ”Five beers, please.”
i dont get it
No one explain it
After the Roman drinks the beers, he tells the bartender, “I want a martinus.”
"Don’t you mean a martini?”
"If I wanted two, I would’ve asked for them."
these are the best jokes ever
"this baby came out of you but im not 100% sure its yours"
Funny thing - a woman who applied for welfare after her husband left her hadto supply DNA evidence he was actually the father. The results: he was definitely the father, but she wasn’t the mother. Her children were removed from her custody and she was sued for fraud, even though she insisted they were her children.
Turns out, she wasn’t a surrogate or a kidnapper (the two most obvious explanations) - she was a chimera. As an embryo, she fused at a very early stage with her twin, forming one individual. Her ovaries apparently developed from cells that had originally belonged to her vanished twin. Later on more tests showed that while the woman’s skin and hair DNA did not match her childrens, DNA taken from her cervix did.
WHAT THE FUCk
This went from stupid to really interesting in point 5 seconds.
SCIENCE IS MY NERF DART LAUNCHER, INTELLECT IS MY BUTTERKNIFE
I didnt know body wash could be so sexy and condescending
Every time I see this post I think it’s a fire extinguisher and I get really confused
Harold likes to help me with my homework. And yes that is a diaper we made to make sure he doesn’t pee everywhere when we let him roam the house..don’t judge.
TORTOISE IN A DIAPER.